The 12 Transformations of Unhealthy to Healthy Relationships, ie, the Relationship Manual no one ever gave you growing up.
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- August 9, 2021
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I’m not shy about the fact that 12-step recovery has been a huge part of my personal and professional success. But I also rarely share materials from programs, given their focus on addiction doesn’t always translate to people outside that community. Also, program literature often does best in the context of a program itself, where it’s goals and language are uniformly embraced by the people participating.
The 12 Transformations are, I think, the exception.
This list of 12 unhealthy relationship patterns, and their healthy opposites is, in my opinion, the Relationship Users Manual we all want and need.
Clients express to me often that they don’t know “how” to have a healthy romantic partnership once they actually find one. And duh! Who does without massive amounts of personal growth work? Where was this taught?? Who was given steps and keys to loving and peaceful relating before they got going on this?
No one that I know. So this article is one way in.
If you’ve ever wondered “what does a healthy relationship actually look like?” this piece of literature will be supportive.
How do I compromise and when should I not compromise? What should I expect from a partner, and what is not reasonable to expect? How should I express my concerns when I have them…and how and when is it best to hold back?
The 12 Transformations answer these questions and more.
I remember one of my coaches sharing at one point that it’s hard to go on a road trip to a place you’ve never been before without knowing where it is on the map.
Personal growth is the same. We need a map to get there.
Here’s a map to healthy relating.
By moving towards the healthy pattern and away from the unhealthy pattern in each transformation, we can finally see where we’re aiming for.
Here’s to it helping you to navigate towards more functional, respectful, effective, and peaceful behavior.
Check it out here.
Rooting for you,
PS. Heads up! As with much 12-step literature, the word “God” and “Higher Power” will appear in this. Feel free to replace these words with whatever spiritual concept works for you, or ignore them all together.